I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
