Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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