How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
