Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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