im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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