Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
