Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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