she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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