from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
