i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
