Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
