turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize