I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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