it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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