After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
