Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
