Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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