For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize