you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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