I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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