On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
