Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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