How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize