White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
