I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
