I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
