I'm sorry my penis didn't work
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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