That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
