well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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