I want you more than these girls want KFC
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize