Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
