I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
