I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
