so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
