I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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