I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
