How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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