Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
