So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
