I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
