Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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