Nicole vs. Life
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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