Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize