I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
