bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
