Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize