WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
