I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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