And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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