dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
