my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
