I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love having hate sex.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
