Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
