I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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