GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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