I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
