I am spending my child support on dildos
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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