i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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