dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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