the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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