hotel room ftw
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
