So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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