Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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