Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
