I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
