Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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