explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
