Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
