So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
