Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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