I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
