Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
