I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm passing your future prison.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
