There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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