so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dick very happy bro
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
