I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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