I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
