don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize