Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
