I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize