I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drake has all the answers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
