my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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