he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
