I'm lost and stupid without you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
