dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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