I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
