I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
