Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize